Of dreams and bridges

Last night, I dreamed about crossing a bridge. I was always fascinated with bridges for the symbolical meaning of it as well as the literal helpfulness and practicality it brings to peoples lives. Ive googled the meaning of my dream and to quote an article by this website by Tony Crisp,  a dream expert and mind and spirit expert of some sort. He said that the bridge often has the significance of crossing or moving from one phase of life , activity or emphasis to another. It can also depict connection between yourself and another person, a relationship, a link between self and opportunity, yourself and a change in life. So it can represent leaving youth behind and meeting old age. This line kind of mirror my sentiment because I will be celebrating another birthday tomorrow. Very on point. 

Ive also written my thoughts a few moths back about my recent travel to Manila to spent the birthday of my best friend and to visit my sick cousin. 

My travels  are usually  a food for the soul. I travel to gain new experiences, reconnect with friends and family. 

Lately I have been having this bouts of fear, boredom and unhappiness. Fear for the future, unfulfilling career and the lack of a life partner . This time I have quite the talk with my bestie whom offered some sort of perspective.  I have established new connections and a job offer. Truly, crossing new bridges always brings new truths. 

Writing block

I got this message from one of my closest girlfriend, Kelly who is now based in the US,  saying that she thinks that I don't write the way I write before and that she misses the spontaneity and rawness of my old blog. Told her, maybe for lack of inspiration.  I used to say that writing should always be from the heart and I still do so yes, maybe I've changed, pain does that to people. Ive  somehow lost the simple innocent way Ive dealt with things.  Also, quite possibly I am influenced by all of this stuff I'm reading over the internet. I think  I've adapt some styles from modern writers and it has  something to do with my reading on line articles from other bloggers.  

I remember in college writing was one of my favorite subjects where we always have essays in our exams and term papers and all. I was able to get good grades from all those writing and humanities courses especially the ones I took as free elective in my summer classes. 

 I have a friend who took months long vacation in the US and she told me that she used to read all my blogs when shes  got nothing to do and during that time the  only blog I was maintaining was in friendster all those years, those were the times we were making testimonials to our friends.  I don't have copies or links to those write ups and I wish I saved them. I don't anymore remember  everything and what those writings are about, but I remember a few such as when I wrote about my excitement about the  first Eraserheads concert, i was not able to go to that, but the next one - the final set, I was able to go and Ive written about that. I know, I've written about how Ive finally let go of the almost relationship with the guy I was seeing that time, that blog sort of destroyed his relationship with this other girl he was having an LDR with, well talk about #complicated. Ive written about my cancelled wedding, it was bittersweet.  Whatever are those writing inspired about, Im just grateful I am able to share a part of my self to my friends.These days I write mostly for myself, small thoughts  like my aspirations, experiences and what not. From time to time, i would write about my fashion project, about my friends or my travels.  I still dream of one day having a blog about being a Mom or having a social entrepreneur site that inspires and be relevant as ever. 

For now these are the links to my other blogs:

nievafashionista.blogspot.com

nievamind.blogspot.com

nievagay-mycarrel.blogspot.com

My dress Back Story

For every dress, there is a back story...I found this one in my ukay spree. Modified the back for a little modern flare. I was going for a little vintage, somewhat conservative  for the 50th wedding anniversary we are attending and finding this one is just sweet. I know a few people who are so good at finding good stuff in an ukay ukay. Be it fifteen pesos or at a steep P1500. Ukay -ukay is a term used for pre owned clothes even shoes or bags and what not sold at a some very low prices, some of these goods were actually relief from other countries which for some reason ends up being sold (third world problem ). However, we buy in the justification that at least we are doing the earth some favor by reusing  and recycling. think this is one of my innate  skill - the eye for good finds in an ukay, my mom who my father lovingly and teasingly call Rq (Relief Queen) when he sees her having bought one too many stuff from these stalls. My cousins - Jp and Arlene and my bestfriend Sheree. 
Thanks to my mother for giving in to my fashion craze but at the same time providing balance she is the voice of reason. For instance, I wanted a dress with plunging neckline she will adjust it up to a level that shows some skin but just enough not to look scandalous, she adjust the hemlines and suggest styles that I would realize better fits me. We always reach some compromise because she is the one seaming the clothes while I'm designing. So did I mentioned I got this dress for 35 at one Sunday ukay ukay at our hometown? 

New three things thursday ( late for last week, early for this week)

My good health

Friends who offered to help financially and offered prayers for my ailing cousins 

Travel invites from my Boracay friends 

Premium on health - Ive had my blood sample tests results last wednesday and  so far its been good. I had tests for cbc, creatinine, tests to determine if I have anemia, cholesterol level in the blood, etc., and so far the only not so good finding is that I have borderline increase in the uric acid level in my blood. So the doctor who happens to be my college schoolmate from UPV, gave me diet guidelines and med as maintenance until the holidays (considering the binging during christmas and new year celebrations) and I am scheduled for check up next year, January.  I guess I just need to be active more and be more  conscious about the food I take and about health and fitness in general.

 The past months have been a challenging one for our family. Two of my cousins have been diagnosed with renal kidney failure as a result of their very high creatinine  levels. Since they are sisters the theory that it has something to do with genetics and it affects more women than men  alarmed me and so I have my blood tests for creatinine levels and this  other tests. And thankfully it all turned out negative.

I've witnessed how my ailing aunt who is unmarried  suffered  during her sickness and made day me realize how sad it is not to have your own kids to take care of you. I know its not expected that kids should take care of their parents but as children we have that certain moral reponsibility to at least look after them when they are old,  ailing  and no one to look after them. I've read an article by Margie Holmes about kids  being expected to be the pleaser for parents and subconsciously its ingrained in our system to make them happy even to the point of actually doing the things to please them  and following their will rather than  what we actually want for ourselves.Not that its a bad thing however we should pave our own path and follow our own dreams.  And it also teaches us that when we become parents, we should support and give everything to the best of our limits to our children and not expecting from them anything. We  have to let them be themselves by guiding them in the proper ways and let them live in the way they want to and not be imposing, we give them wings to fly but let them navigate their flights on their own. I guess, it is a culture thing that is ingrained in us as children to look back and always have that "utang na loob" which is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact it is a very ideal trait -  we give back because of our love for our parents and our elders but not out of guilt.

For for some of us nowadays - women who preferred to be  single and not have kids, it is betterto prepare for any eventualities, like have an insurance, practice being healthy and always have a back up plan. How true is the old adage, "health is wealth".

My cousins, Tess and Trix are sisters. Tess is married with two kids she is in her early 40s and a teacher. Last June she was hospitalized and was found  out that she has renal kidney failure.  She was in and out of the hospital due to other complications. Ou family  is united in giving whatever financial, moral and spiritual support we could give. As of late she is out of the hospital, having once a week dialysis  an improvement from the previous months which requires for her a twice a week procedure. She may be able to come back and work as a teacher again, albeit with medicine maintenance and strict diet. Truly there is  power in prayer.  In the case of Trix,  while processing her application for the cruise ship job placement, it was found out that she has high creatinine and so her application was on hold pending to the clearance of her test results. Thru some pledges from some friends and the support of her siblings she was admitted to the hospital this week. She is also showing signs of improving after her blood transfusion. We are still united in giving her prayers and encouragement. Truly, health should be a premium. 

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/acute-renal-failure-topic-overview

 On a tangent, Im not giving up on finding that significant other yet, George Clooney just got married with Amal Allamudin this week.She is in her late 30s, very successful in terms of career and waited for that special someone (George Clooney no less)  women like us should be inspired and learn a thing or two from her. That we should be complete in ourselves and meeting that special someone will be a bonus. 

And the Travel - 

I was about  about to go to Boracay last week and I actually scheduled a leave from work for it. Then my host there suggested that I go with them on a roadtrip. I couldn't resist the invites because it includes going to Oslob to watch the whale sharks . 

And so off we go... I am forever grateful for the friendship i forged with Sir loenard Tirol  of Boracay. He is like a boss and an uncle or a dad who treats you like family. 

This trip has been amazing, i met up with some friends, I got a job offer, I met new friends, I saw my niece, nephew and the new baby of my bro in Cebu...Fun is an understatement!

 My new nephew, Noble Mathew

 Oslob whale watching

 Le Parisiene - Cebu

My mom, the cool one... (Last night convo with the mudra)

Its grandparents day today. I believe its only been  only been a few years that this kind of celebration has been created. As Filipinos, its ingrained in our culture to be respectable to our elders so this kind of celebration is a big deal to most of us. I greeted my Mom, tonight. Mother, happy grandparents day. And she replied, youre not my grandchild, youre my daughter. Lol! Thats ok youre still a grandmother.  And she said, ok , thanks! Kids, please remeber to greet Lolo and Lola today....

From recent past - On drugs, alcohol and an Aokify summer # latepost

I've been missing out on Steve Aokis concert  in the country. And that has been remedied as of late.   While on our way home after spending  the Holy Week in Boracay,  I learned that Cedric Gervais and Steve Aoki will be performing in Epic as part of Nestea’s event. Although I’ve decided that I will be back for the labor day weekend , my resolved to spend the holiday in the island became  even more concrete. April 30 I was on my way to Boracay with a friend.  It was even double whammy because there was Cedric Gervais the night before Aoki. Plus my company is a co sponsor – I just made sure my name is on the list to get to the event. Although being a co sponsor did not assure lots of free tickets even if you are an employee because there is a main sponsor so lots of insanity ensued while trying to get the passes for the event. It was shall I say a kinda beg, borrow steal, prostitute yourself #notreally to get the passes but it was all worth it. (Im saying this with a little exaggeration of course)    I was not very familiar with Dj Cedric but a little research on him I learned that he did collaboration with Miley Cyrus and the original summertime sadness by Lana Del Rey was mixed by him.  I followed him in Instagram shortly.  Getting to his concert was a breeze But Aoki is a different story, he has been in the country several times and performed in Manila, recently. He is the number one touring DJ having gig schedules  around the world almost twice or more in a week in a different country. I also learned that he is not into drugs and alcohol and I am in awe of him considering his energy while performing and his crazy antics. The cake throwing, the raft sailing with the audience, the champagne spilling ( he doesn’t drink,  he just spits the champagne out) . A lot can be said about the evils of drugs and how it has took the lives of so many people, many of whom are celebrities. I guess there are even more unknown victims however, celebrity deaths just get published and all. Edm  parties indeed are an avenue for drugs I've known this from friends and Ive actually been offered once or twice to try but my curiosity never got the better of me.  I've been to a lot of slinky parties in Boracay every holy week some years past and I could say, drugs are aplenty. I wont  judge these people doing drugs to party. I was almost convince that maybe, some people rationalize that its better than taking large amount of alcohol. Personally,  at one time I've embarrassed myself for getting drunk to the point of passing out. This guy i was with asked me why I would rather have alcohol than drugs because is it more socially acceptable, this same guy told me about Aoki not on drugs or alcohol and I said, Oh I love him already, and so he asked me if I don't like him coz he is into all of this shit. I did like him to the point of actually looking the other way and actually trying to tolerate this vice, tried to understand the reasons why people take these stuff and all the other things such as LSD, MDMA and all those slang. My major is psychology and I understood how these drugs can give altered state of consciousness but I still felt naive when talking about these stuff but well, its another story. Good sense still prevails and that all the percieved convincing fleeting fancy effects of drugs such as creativity and life changing trips will never eclipse all the bad effects these drugs made to most people, to some families and the society in general. 

http://kroq.cbslocal.com/steve-aoki-discusses-touring-throwing-cakes-at-fans-drug-use-in-edm-working-with-linkin-park-more/

Steve Aoki is the brother of Devon Aoki the actress and model who is also an It girl few years back having starred in one fast and furious franchise.  I don't know but I kind of have a thing for Japanese men. Im not sure though if my crushing Aoki, is entirely because of his chinky eyes or just my remnant college obsession with the long haired, artsy type. 

The beach area of the Epic bar where the concert is happening was already filled by the time I got in.  He was playing boneless while most people are still lining up me included. It was enough to get everyone excited. As I got in the area it was filled to the brim  literally I don’t have the energy to actually get near the stage as you can barely move . Luckily I found some space in the press stand who are filming and taking photos of the concert.  I tried to make friends with these guys from this local channel . So I just stayed there the whole time. It was quite far but its directly in front of the stage. We had small talk, and was a little embarrassed when my date came in. I find it funny because when some girls try to squeeze themselves to be on that ramp where I was standing and start to dance I was the one who reminded them to take it slow as not to damage the camera of the station covering the event. I don't know if my concern was real or was it because I was jealous i cant dance myself. My date came in later because he met some friends  and I when I texted him about my position , ( he said  cest la vie - "such is life" ) true enough - whats important is that I was there and enjoying the moment and seeing it all. The photographer took amazing photos of girls having their faces caked and all those happening in the concert. Aokis set was done with the usual fire works but we stayed and partied till the morning, the Dj already played Sun is coming out which was very fitting..

It was indeed one labor weekend to remember because of my crush - Steve Aoki -  I hope hes coming back next year. I still don't know who I will be with  but I will make sure I definitely be on guest list, au naturelle. 

Check this links: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10152429463502969&id=308222742968

 

 Fascinated by this photo from his Instagram taken from the boat of our host, the Tirols of Boracay. Sir Leonard and Bong Tirol of the White house resort....

 But kids stay away from heroin #drugs

http://www.drugs.com/celebrity_deaths.html

Me want these! ( for now) ask me again after a month or so...

Wish list

 Of course, I wish for world peace, love, tolerance and justice however from  time to time we all have that longing for something material - something tangible that we want for ourselves, something fancy and sometimes not necessarily needs but wants.  Here are mine as of the moment. 

Rayban clubmaster; the foldable one. Decidedly modern but has been updated from the 90s. 

 Ive always wanted the shoes worn by Uma Thurman in Kill Bill - the yellow Onitsuka Tiger, I guess if I have them I might want the yellow jacket and track pants as well...

  Another sneakers I am jonessing would be the Converse  Jack Purcell x Play by Comme des Garçons ( I actually want all things by Play now - from shirts, to perfume and also their own sneakers)

He also have a collaboration with house of Missoni for Converse. But the Missoni I only want is the flipflops by havaianas . A friend of mine went to Brazil but for some reason she didnt find this print for me. I guess it just came out at a limited time only. 

Comme des Garçons is now open in Manila in One Rockwell. I have always liked japanese labels like Uniqlo or Daiso. Rei kawakubo the founder is a japanese designer, its just surprising that the brand name is in french meaning -like boys and i also have to google the correct pronunciation. Its nice to dress up in androgynous fashion from time ro time, like the loose boyfriend shirt, although they have the ladies section of course. 

I am inspired by strong women and start ups by women. I will have to self gift Girl boss by Sophia Amoruso founder of Nasty Gal, the number one online shop. Or the book authored by british It girl - Alexa Chung.  Even Nicky Hilton is a writer nowadays but i think ill just have to stick with Alexa. 

Our 90s staple which is easily becoming a classic - birkenstocks sliders. I just wanted the Arizona, or the Madrid in any color.

The first time I saw Jeremy Scott's design for Moschino featuring McDonald was when I slept over a friends place a few months back. His tv was on default at Fashion tv channel . He is a straight guy and I appreciate the fact that he understands fashion and that simple gesture of thinking about what I like to watch was well thought of. I think its fun to see mac donalds infused in designs that look like Chanel. Its very pop culture with a touch of couture. The bag and the iphone cases just tickled my fancy...

These hot rollers are just going to be very helpful. Ive been looking for it at shops from this city but I never found one. I guess i just needed to order online for this one. My cousin in Manila own one and ive been using it every time I am at her place, but she got it as a gift from Singapore. 

  

Nicki Minaj is one lucky girl to have received this Flawless necklace from queen Bey herself. I also want one for myself. Not necessarily encrusted with diamonds like this one. I can go for fancy.... This just created some major girl envy...

How nice it would be to celebrate some life's milestones with some Pandora bracelet or neckpiece and charms.

Another inspirational designer is Tory Burch. The item I am lusting are her Glam up Fitness trackers for Fitbit...

  

 10 years ago I would never have thought i would ever need a spanx. But now i think this is going to be  more than necessary. ( i just don't want to elaborate why, wink!)

  

I know how expensive Herve Leger dresses are. But what the hell, I just wish i could have the swimwear. Maybe this will motivate me to slim down like crazy...

 My birthday happens to be in December which is also a gifting season, Santa may use this as a reference for my gift registry. If all else fails, I can appreciate tickets to anything. ( by anything I mean concerts, clubs, music fests, restaurants, movies and what not) 

  I wish I would win the lotto so I can buy all tese stuff for myself and not expect anyone else to buy for me!  Wait, where is my ticket? 

Thee things tuesday

If I may adapt the concept of believing in abundance and naming the stuff that made us grateful... Office food are aplenty 

Im just happy that as I get to workI have food in my locker. Our assistants are the sweetest, they would always reserve soe food for me.  The native kakanin is from my officemate from out if town, we also have goodies from Bohol brought by our boss who came from her meeting there. And our snacks from one of the oldest whole in the wall eatery in Iloilo - Robertos featuring their queen siopao. This one is a must try when you're in Iloilo...

This is my usual morning view when I walk. Our town plaza is filled with nature - tress and vegetation. Thankful to some volunteers who would keep our town clean and green. Above is the Catholic church, the Saint Vincent Ferrer church which is famous for healing, granting wishes and the like.Sometimes the power of faith is just overwhelming.

I am not catholic but i do get in and pray from time to time....

Sam Smithing August

In my room, current mood - "inspired",  (whatever that means - for lack of a better word maybe) musical scoring is by Sam Smith , the whole In the Lonely hour album,  well for the past months its my sound pipe every waking moment I am in my room. Its like my soundtract for The most part of July and  practically for the whole month of August. This line of the song - leave your lover, leave him for me always makes me smile.. ( Sam Smith is a self confessed bisexual and I feel for him even if I am straight because theres  a part of me thats " bading kun mag mahal" in vernacular. Translation would be : someone who loves like a gay lover and proud) I guess,  thats the way how to love, anyway. Am I right? I am a great believer in loving without cutting corners -'when it comes to it no half baked - you will get crashed and burned but you don't give up. At least not right away, or at least if the object of your affection is deserving enough of that kindA love. I still have to write about that  and that deserves a  tale for  another day.  

Speaking of August I just felt like  the month passed in a blur. Was it because I had a great time or is it because i just went thru the motions. Well, this month did have some highlights like the time I spent in Manila with my family and relatives and time I spent with my bestfriend. The issue weve finally resolved about some guy I have no intention of talking about  since i guess he already got his proper airtime ( more than be actually deserved) but maybe My Sam smith choice of music is subconsciously related to him because I learned that this album is actually about unrequited love.. But im not dwelling with that right now since love is supposed to be free. Because this month Ive finally felt like ive truly moved on. I used to think of this line from the movie Brokeback Mountain,  when I was reading reviews of some great movies that i want to watch one of these days ( the other one would be - Fight Club) I still haven't watch these movies and this line " I wish I could quit you" and I did. Maybe some people come into our lives and theyre just passing by with no intention of actually staying and thats still cool. I never saved his number on the pretense of actually having to memorize it but well maybe consciously or subconsciously I have the feeling that hes just passing. Again too much for that. 

 On a tangent,  practicing gratefulness is great but sometimes we tend to forget because of the mundaneness of the daily grind or sometimes we tend to even focus on the negative stuff that happens that usually is a result of our own doings. For the past 3 days, I have been walking in the morning with my dog. And then it occurred to me how amazing it is that I could have this time, and then I remember that blog I was following where she has this 3 things Thursday where you should think of the 3 things you are grateful about. so since it was a Friday I thought of inventing my own 5 thing Friday. Right that time I actually thought of so many things its actually a lot more than 5. My dog, the breakfast i share with my parents where we can have small talks, my mom who can still sew clothes, the Catholic church of our town - where I could enter anytime and have a little prayer time . I am not Catholic but i do enter chapels and churches and thankful for these establishment that they may offer solace to anyone needing them. You know sometimes we just need a silent place and be on our own and hear our own thoughts or oftentimes to connect with our own spirituality or talk to someone we deemed as a higher being or someone we thought we could talk to as a friend. This dinner with my friend, the clothes I want to share with my friend who is leaving for abroad for a job, and the list goes on. 

Speaking of friendships, I have the privilege of reconnecting with my very good old friend who is a lawyer and someone I always have very sensible conversations with. He is actually a colleague on a business trip in town. And since I am one of his closest friends I would always have lunch or dinner and drinks with him. We would talk about work and business on a minimum but we would always talk about our personal lives.  I always have that crazy, funny and most often out of the box perspective and learnings from him. How he said that whatever experiences or  challenges we may go thru lets just be thankful we have the opportunity of going thru them because these will make us better. I have opened up to him a few years back about my cancelled wedding and he did offered good advices I would still remember up to now.  He even wrote a blog about it Me and some friends wee in tears after reading. It was a long time ago, I have very vague recollection of that experience .  But I will always remember what this lawyer friend once said, and this was the time when we were in Boracay attending one of those JCI  NatCon parties  (maybe a little alcohol infused convo) that for compelling reasons married people should be separated.  I wasn't married but once I have planned on getting there. And now it is my time to ask questions and listen to him since he is now going thru some life's transitions in his marriage. I think its one of my inherent strength or weakness if you may, because  i can make people open up to me. Probably because i ask a lot of questions, or maybe my interest is genuine. Im not at liberty to discuss of course but I was a friend to him, not necessarily offering an advice but an ear to listen. And then I thought how nowadays it is a usual happening for people to separate, like they say some people even celebrate it because as they say no good marriage ever ended in divorce. I still have to attend or be invited to one of these parties though.  

This August i realized also how I spent too much on unnecessary things,  like money for some stuff I dont need, Hello on line shopping! I was actually proud of myself for not spending much for  IRL shopping in Manila but the lure of the e commerce proved too much too handle. But well sometimes, a girl needs her retail therapy. I am sometimes guilty of buying some stuff i don't need so I can post in Instagram. Well pretty little things are always instagramable.  Meanwhile, I am also actually proud that I have decluttered a little bit when I sold some of my stuff on my garage sale to help my ailing cousin even just a little, it may not be substantial as to cover for her chemo or something but at least it could go some ways, or how  I may  have invested emotions on things which are not really worth investing emotions on, like some friendships or some people. At the end of the day, I have the few best ones that are constant. Still at the end of the day, all these misgivings are still no matter how cliche it may sound are learning experiences. Theres always a take away as they say....so September is a looked forward to month  I will be in my second home in Boracay to meet some friends from Australia and since  its the beginning of something the -  beer months, the bday of my bestfriend in October, my moms bday in November and my own birthday in December. 

Love and light!

 

That friday is one eat day... 

 

The highlight is the dinner at a japanese resto and a wine session after.

Earlier is my lunch date @ Horizon cafe, the tallest resto in the city so far. Iloilo is known to be an island which is below sea level so building cannot go as high as other cities, but the view of the horizon is breathtaking in this restaurant. I usually bing guests here for dinners and this is my first time to have lunch and see the beauty of the city from the top at daytime. 

 

Sam Smith of course accompanying me in my Not so lonely hour... 

Sam Smithing August

In my room, current mood - "inspired", (whatever that means - for lack of a better word maybe) musical scoring is by Sam Smith , the whole In the Lonely hour album, well for the past months its my sound pipe every waking moment I am in my room. Its like my soundtract for The most part of July and practically for the whole month of August.- on line of the song - leave your lover, leave him for me always makes me smile... Speaking of August I just felt like the month passed in a blur. Was it because I had a great time or is it because i just went thru the motions. Well, this month did have some highlights like the time I spent in Manila with my family and relatives and time I spent with my bestfriend. The issue weve finally resolved about some guy I have no intention of talking about since i guess he already got his proper airtime ( more than be actually deserved) but maybe My Sam smith choice of music is subconsciously related to him because I learned that this album is actually about unrequited love.. But im not dwelling with that right now since love is supposed to be free. Because this month Ive finally felt like ive truly moved on. I used to think of this line from the movie Brokeback Mountain, when I was reading reviews of some great movies that i want to watch one of these days ( the other one would be - Fight Club) I still haven't watch these movies and this line " I wish I could quit you" and I did. Maybe some people come into our lives and theyre just passing by with no intention of actually staying and thats still cool. I never saved his number on the pretense of actually having to memorize it but well maybe consciously or subconsciously I have the feeling that hes just passing. Again too much for that. On a tangent, practicing gratefulness is great but sometimes we tend to forget because of the mundaneness of the daily grind or sometimes we tend to even focus on the negative stuff that happens that usually is a result of our own doings. For the past 3 days, I have been walking in the morning with my dog. And then it occurred to me how amazing it is that I could have this time, and then I remember that blog I was following where she has this 3 things Thursday where you should think of the 3 things you are grateful about. so since it was a Friday I thought of inventing my own 5 things Friday. Right that time I actually thought of so many things its actually a lot more than 5. My dog, the breakfast i share with my parents where we can have small talks, my mom who can still sew clothes, the Catholic church of our town - where I could enter anytime and have a little prayer time . I am not Catholic but i do enter chapels and churches and thankful for these establishment that they may offer solace to anyone needing them. You know sometimes we just need a silent place and be on our own and hear our own thoughts or oftentimes to connect with our own spirituality or talk to someone we deemed as a higher being or someone we thought we could talk to as a friend. This dinner with my friend, the clothes I want to share with my friend who is leaving for abroad for a job, and the list goes on. Speaking of friendships, I have the privilege of reconnecting with my very good old friend who is a lawyer and someone I always have very sensible conversations with. He is actually a colleague on a business trip in town. And since I am one of his closest friends I would always have lunch or dinner and drinks with him. We would talk about work and business on a minimum but we would always talk about our personal lives. I always have that crazy, funny and most often out of the box perspective and learnings from him. How he said that whatever experiences or challenges we may go thru lets just be thankful we have the opportunity of going thru them because these will make us better. I have opened up to him a few years back about my cancelled wedding and he did offered good advices I would still remember up to now. He even wrote a blog about it Me and some friends wee in tears after reading. It was a long time ago, I have very vague recollection of that experience . But I will always remember what this lawyer friend once said, and this was the time when we were in Boracay attending one of those JCI NatCon parties (maybe a little alcohol infused convo) that for compelling reasons married people should be separated. I wasn't married but once I have planned on getting there. And now it is my time to ask questions and listen to him since he is now going thru some life's transitions in his marriage. I think its one of my inherent strength or weakness if you may, because i can make people open up to me. Probably because i ask a lot of questions, or maybe my interest is genuine. Im not at liberty to discuss of course but I was a friend to him, not necessarily offering an advice but an ear to listen. And then I thought how nowadays it is a usual happening for people to separate, like they say some people even celebrate it because as they say no good marriage ever ended in divorce. I still have to attend or be invited to one of these parties though. This August i realized also how I spent too much on unnecessary things, like money for some stuff I dont need, Hello on line shopping! I was actually proud of myself for not spending much for IRL shopping in Manila but the lure of the e commerce proved too much too handle. But well sometimes, a girl needs her retail therapy. I am actually proud that i have decluttered a little bit when i sell some of my stuff on my garage sale to help my ailing cousin even just a little, it may not be substantial as to cover for her chemo or something but at least it could go some ways. how i have maybe invested emotions on things which are not really worth investing emotions on, like some friendships or some people. At the end of the day, I have the few best ones that are constant. Still at the end of the day, all these misgivings are still no matter how cliche it may sound are learning experiences. Theres always a take away as they say....so September is a looked forward to month I will be in my second home in Boracay tommeet some friends from Australia or since its the beginning of something the - ber months, the bday of my bestfriend in October, my moms bday in November and my own birthday in December. love and light!

Random thoughts

because i hate writing (cursive hand writing that is) notice my 2013 planner is almost empty.. im happy i have all these stickers i can just stick as a highlight of my day.. like im all about the beach this weekend. i wish to be able to stick a lot of happy faces, hearts, planes, cakes, beach and shopping? i wish that I can make someone happy in any way and that i can show goodness to evryone i encounter. #taleforanotherday #2014&beyond

National heroes day post

We filipinos are lauded for our being Nationalistic even faulted for it sometimes, how we support our national pride such as the boxer Manny Pacquiao, or lately our Beauty pageant winners or our singers and performers making it international. we have all sorts of holidays, such us the Araw ng kagitingan, The national freedoms day, the Edsa Revolution among others, but this is who we are. Our love for our country is inherent in most of us. We may lose our faith in our government sometimes, we feel ashamed about how politics work in our country but still i would like to believe that we have that solidarity as a people. We help each other during crises and calamities and we respond whenever we are needed. We travel across the seas abroad to find a greener pasteur but we still come back to our families and be with them just to experience christmas in the Philippines. In that note this is my "araw ng kagitingan greeting: Death is part of the job of heroes and superheroes...but for us lesser mortals we dont need to die to become a hero .. we just need to do our moral duty to serve and be an inspiration - its not how you die but what you die for that truly matters.. It doesn't take superpowers for us to be heroes for us lesser mortals its how we live and become eveyday heroes thru our acts of kindness and compassion .. happy national heros day! ( redundant much? I think so too) lol!

Fairy tales in kick ass Times

Written eons ago... We grew up loving the fairy tales our mother and grandmother would tell us or would read to us and it so cool to see movies with themes from these fairy tales like Snow White and the Huntsman, Hansel and Gretel or Goldilocks... the moral from snow white ans the huntsman * too much vanity can kill, not all apples are sweet some are laced with poison, that its not always a prince who can wake u up In ur slumber, some people in your life can come back either to hurt you or to make it amazinga, and that you dont necesarrily need some men to make a happy ending,., maybe sometimes you need 2 or 7?. (kidding) u can still be manly even if u show some real emotion becoz its not the kiss that woke up snow white but his tears... goldilocks trusted the wolf , according to my friend and my Movie partner in the past there are a lot of wolves around us they just have to look around the u belt area, the law students and lawyers but well it just him...Fairy tales will always be a part of our childhood and they may take different ways and treatments in the modern world but the essence is still the same that they are supposed to teach us moral lessons...

Losing

Random thoughts on a ramdom day... (this post was written last year after I lost another phone, I have always used apple and it was the first time I ever used an Android phone; Samsung Note 2 because I thought its useful for me because I am fond of writing. Then i lost it so i guess Im not destined to use an Android phone. I already got myself another iphone ro compensate for the loss) i lost my phone actually it was stolen, snatched to be actually specific. It was a painful loss but its also a learning experience. My first reaction was to call someone and as if it was a murphys law in action my other phone is barred from making outside call. I thought of calling the mayor who is a personal friend or my brother who is in the police force but assigned in manila with the DILG. Then i thought better of it, the mayors too busy to be bothered by my petty crime victim problem. But my brother connected me with the police of Lapaz. To be fair, they did their best in investigating. Alas, i found it so time consuming and all that process. I was presented with all the pictures of the usual prospect however, I was not able to identify properly plus I did not have the proper witnesses. I was bent on pressing charges and teach the thief a lesson because what usually happens is that these suspects just got freed when the victims recover their items and not bothering to file charges anymore. I talked to the police and some drivers and I learn a great deal about these thieves. Talking to the drivers telling me about their experiences and their passengers is like catharsis. After a few days, I actually send a message thru Fb to the mayor. This is my message: dear mayor jed, im writing as a friend asking a favor and airing my sentiment as a community member of iloilo and asking a favor considering your position. last nov 3 my phone its a samsung note 2 w a plan under globe was snatched while i was riding a jaro cpu jeepney. while i know i am a victim here i still want to take full responsibility about what happened because maybe i was careless and i was oblivious about my sorroundings. i gave open invitation to that situation. what i wanted to ask you is that i learned that these snatcher lives in san nicolas lapaz. since we know that people in that certain brgy or area and probably the brgy capt or officials are aware of this elements they somehow not exactly turning a blind eye but probably looking the other way about it. is there some way that these crimes be stopped? i know its not entirely their fault, its poverty, lack of jobs n opportunity, and all those reason. but if we cant trust the system who can we turn to? i know its a long shot but places like singapore, hk even davao virtually dont have these kinds of crimes. is there a way that you could probably have a dialogue with residents their officials, the police, and other agencies to address issues of theft and snatching esp on the streets and the public transport?... thanks! yours, gigi The mayor has just lost his brother at that time and i understand his non response , i actually sent my condolence after this message and he thank me. I think it was more of a i just want to air my thoughts. I don't like the lull of time like when i have nothing to do on the commute, not big on games but im more on checking the 3 holy trinity as they say fb, twitter ig plus I read my emails and blogs. sometimes i also write my thoughts while on the commute. its been a while since i have a similar experience. the city area is with all sorts of this flagrant characters snatchers, theives, the mandudukot" but somehow in the couple of years that i work in the same area our faces have become familiar to them and we have become also immune and as they say, they say "dont take a dump in their own backyard" but i always see a lot of these guys sellung fake or stolen iphones like it was mint candies open but sometimes peppered with some discretion. I may have lost my phone but I am still lucky. Some people experience worst someone lost their like kae defantes . I find it funny now that i even thought of writing a letter to the whoever is the snatcher of that phone. I started my letter by saying dear gentlemen who stole my phone but of course in the dialect. then i realized that these people dont need saving . ive talked to some people who knows about the activities of these people and it seems like they just look the other way. well so much for a way of life. I guess if the economy doesnt improve and that these people have access to equal opportunities such as education and career opportunities ultimately, this will still be a part of the system.

No Surprizes

I jokingly said as I woke up this am - "life surprise me "out loud . You see I'm trying to sometimes practice the talk to the universe kind of thing and just see how it goes not that it has any bearing or anything .. It's 9pm as we speak and Im trying to remember the highlights of today. Was the jokes on me? Well, I got an unusual text from someone that lead to some very curious revelation - but all in all it was a good one. It help me moved on when I'm at a stage of procrastination. Well, so much for ambiguous thoughts. Today I'm almost done with my annual PE of the company, the otherwise dreaded physical exam where you get pricked and what not, not to mention the waiting time to the doctors office. One of my biggest fear now is being stuck in traffic, I live far. Every time I go to work, I say a little prayer, maybe take a long bathroom break before heading out and hope for the best. But today, is a different story because last night I was out with the girls - one of my best girlfriend came out from London and we hang out. It was a fun night just catching up. And I decided to just slept over At Eva's. I wake up early realizing I had all the time in the world and seeing my god son I played for a bit with him it was lovely. I didn't have to endure traffic today - you know, going out into the hi ways is some kinda like preparing for some zombie attack. (Exaggerated of course) My transaction fee from this bank where I was requesting a docs got waived. I was not feeling rushed in going to work, did all my errands, best of all I had a very long talk with the bestfriend. Truly things just fall into their proper place in its own time. I told my 2 closest friends from work about my otherwise dramatic relationship drama and the lack thereof and we just had an LOL moment. I mean I just always find humor in the weight of things. So maybe today, life may not surprised me with grand gestures or awesome surprises. But it still is one fine day! Truly you only have to ask...

Wander lusting (as always)

I don't know but for some curious reason the month of June just tickles my fancy for wander. Two months ago my bestfriend and I were talking about going to London this June. Alas, June came and I still haven't process my visa for UK. I even called some friends who even offered there place for is to stay while we are there. When May was about to end, I figure out I will be having a 4 days off so I thought of spending it with my main squeeze. Alas the certain main squeeze and I had a falling out so I never made it spending time with him. A week passed and I thought of going to Manila instead and spend the day with my bestfriend of whom I needed to talk to because of some issues that needed to be sorted out. But the hustle and bustle of the working life just proceeded and I didn't go where I am supposed to go instead I ended up going to Dumaguete and Siquijor. It's was such an adventure I took on last minute decision. My bestfriend was going to China for work so I didn't proceed to Manila. They say life is strange and wonderful that sometimes it takes us to different directions and change the course of whatever it is we originally plan. I was able to spend time with a friend who I haven't seen in 10 years, I was able to see the beaches of Siquijor Island, visit some towns of Negros and took on some kind of road trips with friends. June is done and we celebrated important occasion in my family - the birthday of Nestor my father on the 29th and his and moms wedding anniv on the 28th. There was also the plan of having our office outing which was cancelled. So it's resked this July. July is just unfolding and already plans are aplenty. Two of my friends who's based in London are vacationing so it's a social calendar. Cebu and Manila are part of the agenda...Boracay for the first week, there's also an invite for Bohol and Dumaguete as well as that long overdue vacay in Davao with my other bestfriend. Oh if only money is not an object I would be in these places, spending time with all my friends equally.

It's a Wrap

It's a wrap- because you can't always win....(because season changes) "At the end of yet another failed relationship"- classic line from the Satc while Carrie was writing a prose for her column. It's very much the current sentiment of someone who makes a blog out of some significant or even mundane relationships experiences- the proverbial almost lover scenario of someone named - me. Well it's not like I just broke up with someone but it's more of I stopped talking to someone. And the separation anxiety kinda feels like that but maybe on a lesser scale. We have Known each other for 3 months, not long enough in standards however we spent six days on a holiday together, texted each other practically everyday save for some missing chapters - 2 or 3 days of not talking once a month or so. It's the making of an LDR which did not appeal to him from the get go. But long enough to know it might never work out. I met him at a friends wedding which is an ideal situation to meet someone as they say. He was the only white guy so he was very conspicuous and when I first saw him I must admit I wanted to stick my tongue down his throat . Maybe at one point I saw unborn children in his eyes pardon that line in a song cliche. Long story short we got introduced, we hang out and there were some situation with my bestfriend not liking him because he was rowdy and he created a very bad impression because he was so drunk and wasted. But I tried to stick around and get to know him a little better. Because I must admit it felt good having someone you're attracted to make out with and I was having a great time while also yearning to connect on a deeper level. You disregard the fact that he smell, that he's into drugs and you're more into him than he's into you. Same guy who make fun of you coz you don't know beach boys from the 90s, and thinks you lack music knowledge because youre a Rihanna fan and that you are common cultured. Plus he talks badly about the girls he's dated. These women are probably crazy - we all have that side of us and I don't know them and there's always that back story to a story . I'm not trying to make him look bad because he's got very redeeming qualities and sadly sometimes, love is blind. He is sweet when he wants to, he took good care of me when I passed out one time when we were in Boracay because I had a little too much to drink I throw up, passed out and all the time hugging him and telling him don't leave me. And he didn't. He opened up things about his personal life like his family, his plans his business. I got to know him - his quirks, his simple joys, and his peeves. The way we could talk openly and ask questions about each other, how he treats other people. How he watches GoT (well everyone watches Game of Thrones, but still) and he could relate to any topic we would talk about, he even watches girls - and comment to each character - you know Hannah, Shosh and Allison. And how we laugh together watching the Big Bang theory. How he ask difficult questions like - what's your 5 year plan? I mean you don't get to meet new people and ask you questions like this because it's like a job interview question at best or a Beauty contest question at worst. In jest I answered that it's a difficult question. I acted coyly because really how am I going to answer that honestly because in that 5 years I want to have a 3 or 4 year old child, I wanted to have a baby soon. Well of course along with having my own business related to clothes and fashion and leaving my job and of course travel and attend all the music festival in the world. if I can afford it and I don't want him judging me for my choices. But maybe it was a "just to make conversation" kind of question. And how he made me open to new realities devoid of judgments. And now I wonder if all these awesome characteristics were just created or perceived by my ever need to full that void mind. Is this all just an idea . Alas the text came far and few and these last 5 days we never texted except I sent him a very long message pouring my heart out that sometimes I worry about him not texting because he is into drugs and that I'm worried something happens to him because he lives alone - it's not like his an addict but more of a social user. Maybe to party and try to experience new thrills but it's not like him not to text back Maybe he met someone and he's too enamored or too busy or she's too jealous. Either way he should have the decency to at least reply, right? Maybe, as I told him he is again having that trips it changes him and part of that change is to forget some people in his life. Now it makes me wonder what will be his story about me - well he could say - I'm trying too hard, or I am trying to cage a very independent person - and he doesn't want long distance relationships - fair enough ( although actually our distance is just an hour trip via plane but still). So quite possibly - were just a summer fling. A summer fling I would have a hard time forgetting because those were amazing time - I was with him watching Cedric Gervais and hearing Lana del Reys - summertime sadness will never be the same again. And all the beach parties we went to and all the Edm music we danced till the morning. Most memorable is watching Aoki for the first time along with the fun experiences we had. We even fight about all those non sense stuff and make up and make out. I told my guy friend about me and this guy not texting and he related a story about his gay friend having a relationship gone sour with this other guy and the other guy reported his gay friend as the stalker coz he didn't stop texting and communicating with his ex. He teased me that I already should stop texting this guy coz he might consider me a stalker. Well we stop all manner of communication - were not even friends in FB or any social network for that matter. I'm glad we don't have that many common friends though so we won't really ran into each other in the near future. On the up side my bestfriend who is so protective of me will be so happy I stop talking to this guy - she said she can't imagine the length I did to sacrifice our friendship for this guy. Bestfriend and I didn't talk for almost a month and even our plans of going to London was not materialized supposedly last month. I'm not blaming the guy though it's really just a thing with my bestfriend having a very close mind to people she doesn't like. So it's true that we will meet many guys but at the end of the day we can still count on our best friends. As of late I didn't get a reply from him. He's a goner, an MIA. But whatever he's going through I hope he's just fine because for whatever it's worth for the most part he was also my friend. They say people come into our lives for a reason. I still don't know what those reasons are except maybe give me a summer worth my while. There is also the question of did you wish you've unmet someone some people? And my answer is no. Meeting someone is like crossing a bridge and I love bridges . It's a metaphor for a lot of things - seeing things differently, connection, burning bridges or building them - it's weird and wonderful . It's the rainy season now but well summer is just beginning somewhere. Love and light!

for the love of iron man

I remember watching the first Iron man - I was alone because I had a fight with the guy I was dating that time.. Not that I don't watch alone because I can really say that in college i learn to be self sufficient in watching a movie - with all that movie review and term paper in Psych or literature you have to write in UP.. ( this ones not a movie review either because. I was never good in it, let's leave that to the Joey jamora of the world - my movie partner when he was still with Globe) .I wasn't a fan of Robert Downey Jr., in fact I thought he's not the typical young looking buff super hero we have in mind... And then I became a convert.. So every time there is an Iron Man movie. I get a little excited, the Avengers included. Who wouldn't dream to become the personal assistant of a weapons manufacturing genius and a billionaire, and who is secretly crushing on me? But well I don't think I will ever be as efficient as Ms Pepper Potts, the character of Gwyneth Paltrow in that movie...I think I have better chances of employing myself in UN than with Tony Stark... What's with Tony Stark - he is charming, funny, sometimes annoying, with this huge ego.. I'm not a big Marvel comics fan, back in the day because well, I'm a girl? But I tried reading back in college to help my brother who is in 5th year in UP Diliman at that time but was taking up a GE subject for freshman in literature for summer so I have to read the Infinity Gauntlet series because this is his book of choice to make a review for that subject.. Long story short, I was able to write a few paragraph which has the subject of how good succeds over evil in the end... But some movies recently Are so good because they take inspiration from the comics and make some modifications. Like how Christopher Nolan made the batman Trilogy.. ( he also directed inception). Like how human Batman is, Bruce Wayne do not have super power ability like Iron man is..Aside from their coolness, they were able to transcend their weakness. Tony Spark in all he's ego, he will always have that redeeming quality of a true hero..I think this is what make Iron man so charming, he is going to rise and combat the threat to his loved ones and to his country.. plus I'm curious about the love story angle between him and Ms Pepper.. For a day, we can pretend that there are superheroes, because in the real world that is how we overcome obstacles by transcending and becominggreater than our selves...

the bodyguard & edm

Getting a facial is labor intensive – you have to wait before you get seated or laid to bed ( for that matter). You also need to find a time for it - say on a rest day and spend at least an hour and a half it is like a part time job, not to mention the pain it involves especially the pricking part. But the vain shall endure as they say. On the upside it is also a time you can relax and think of nothing else, sleep if you may. While at the facial center the other day, the music piping from the FM station is all by Whitney Huoston. I was relaxed and at the borders of the rapid eye movement sleep ( not really) which transported me back to memories of the 15 year old self. I remember me and my childhood bestfriend the one i grew up with from my hometown, Cherrylyn. We would watch " The Bodyguard " from their vhs or betamax, I barely remember anymore. Che's mother work in the US and they would have the most "hi tech" and updated stuff at the time ergo they would have the latest movies and shows in vhs. We don’t have a lot of movie houses like in the malls we have now and so kids don’t really have that much freedom to watch a movie in movie houses back then and we would only watch thru betamax or vhs . We watched "Wizard of Oz " over and over again, all the Mr. Bean series and once an “R rate” movie. We would giggle and blush however making sure her father is not home for fear we would be caught- watching this vhs kept on the farthermost corner of the closet. Maybe out of curiosity and that juvenile streak of the 14 and 15 year olds . I must admit that I already read some Harold Robins ( in secret of course- owned by my older cousin I would stole from her room, I would see the dictionary for words I wouldn’t understand) aside from the usual Sweet Valley High teen reading in the summer but there’s nothing better in fulfilling the curiosity than watching and not just reading. In 1992, "The Bodyguard " came out and our belief became solid that Whitney Huoston was the biggest movie star and singer, Kevin Costner was the ultimate leading man and actor and "I will always love you" was the best song and soundtrack ever. Che and I decided that it was our favorite movie. Like all bestfriends, we would talk almost daily, sans phone or text messaging back then, we would have sleepovers, have our crushes and boy problems, studies to think about and dreamed about the future. It was Che, who thought she would marry a foreigner and she did. She was once married to her college bf and eventually married a jewish lawyer guy she met in Philadelphia. I was momentarily transported back to the present when I felt the pain when my facialist pricked a pimple. I thought of all the artists and performers today who can compare to Whitney Huoston during that time. Could it be Rihanna who is a pop diva, a concert maven with the same strings of controversy? She still however have to star in movie as big as The Bodyguard. Since the biz landscape of being a celebrity has change - one's popularity and success now is measured by how much followers you have in the internet, not just your album sales off line but also how much downloads your music has over Itunes and other sites. Musicians have become muses of designers, they have collaborations with djs and other artists and most have their own fashion lines. It could be Taylor Swift who is the number 1 pop star who capitalizes in her song writing skills and whose songs were based on her bad breakups with guys from the same industry . So is it Miley Cyrus then who has stepped up way higher from her disney's Hannah Montana persona? She has a movie once with this hot aussie guy who became her fiancé who is also a hot movie idol for being in the hunger games franchise) eventually broken up with. Twerking is the number 1 new word in 2013 it has become synonymous with Miley. When the song “All at once” played I was feeling bittersweet knowing that idol is no longer with us - tainted with a lot of controversy involving her drug abuse, losing her career, an abusive husband, eventually passing away in 2012. So it’s true what they say that when you become a slave to drugs you will beg borrow steal maybe even prostitute yourself for it that even Whitney in spite of her wealth and popularity lost most of it because of all her troubles. Kevin Costner along with other big wigs gave a speech in her interment. In spite of it all our 14 year old memory will be of the diva who fell in love with that hunky bodyguard and would never forget that kiss on the ending scene with her song as the soundtrack and the last song on the credit of that movie. In our book she will always be that diva with amazing voice. My bestfriend, Che has been a constant in my life until a few years back. We didn’t lost touch when she went to the States shortly after college - we kept in touch thru letters eventually thru phone calls and once in a while she would take vacays back home . I was even planning to go to the states for her wedding. But as they say friendship and love for that matter, involves some physics - that is time, distance or space is a factor. The pressure of life has taken its toll - maybe because of her marriage or career. Alas, the letters came few and far between. Rekindling that friendship only when her father passed away when she came back for the burial and wake . I stayed by her side and we long reconnected and proved that we never lost that friendship after all. Today, we have technology to thank for the world has become smaller as they say. I may have formed new friendships yes, and so has she but always I will treasure the ones we have - carefree and undesigning - where the only problem we had was - if her dad would approve for her to go out of town for camping or sleepovers. Those were also times where dreams were made of- the places we want to see , the ideal partners we want in the future and the jobs we want to take as adults. I wonder if my 15 year old self would be proud of me now or perhaps, she would be saying “just continue pushing thru those dreams or goals” which are also changing through times because indeed nothing is constant except change. I thought of those simple and laidback happy go lucky girls who believed Whitney Houston is the greatest artist ever. I opened my eyes I was already in the last phase of my facial when Whitney was singing “Greatest love of al”l in her usual top of the lungs but still amazing voice and in my mind i was singing along . I was tempted to actually sing only have to stop myself seeing all the other people closing their eyes getting a facial…crap! To cancel the LSS, as soon as i got home i opened my ipad and played all the edm on soundcloud and in honor of the "robots "who won at the Grammys - Daft Punk best album - for random access memories I played my quintessential favorite - get lucky.. (the French duo are just so popular now they even have their own condoms - get lucky from durex) and also danced to Zedd new mix -Find You...and i said - well maybe – djs, you are the future! and life is just great ( ok this is the pick me upper ever!)