the june factor

The June Factor

The long playtime with neighbor’s children and cousins, usually under the heat of the less scorching sun (back in the days), the vacays spent with the family, ( I remember spending vacation time in Manila with our relatives for less than a month  and me and my younger bro would go home speaking in Tagalog with Ilongo accent, much to the amusement of our folks)the beaches and the rain showers as summer rains in May. In teen time -   the summer job, all the sweet valley high and hardy boys novel  one  can read and what have yous ( I tried reading one of my older cousins Harold robins and I just have to consult the dictionary for all that unfamiliar sexy terms new to my amateur brain) the crushes and   all that childhood memories that  will forever be tattooed in our minds. As we grow up  still the beaches, the long weekends spent in Boracay and all the other exotic places  however, spent mostly with the friends and sometimes with the significant other, the summer outfit and the excuse to get fit, the endless fiestas and parties, the summer fling if you may - and all the hundreds reasons why  we love summers. But like all seasons that ends and transition from summer to the rainy season of June, it is time to kiss the summer goodbye since here comes an  equally important time of the year. It is freedom month in our country, it is the beginning of the school year for students, Fathers day falls in June,  it is the end of that summer fling, literally to some and figuratively to others and of course the June weddings.  Whatever the significance of June  depends on each one.  

But while we are at the subject of freedom-  we should never fail to appreciate our independence in terms  of speech,( may I just say the obvious - fb, twitter, the blogs and the list goes on thrive because of our freedom of speech, )  religion, fashion, music politics and the like.   Evolved we have become in terms of the way we think, speak and act-  we were taught gender sensitivity in schools, by the media and the all the other avenues which are considered game changer as we call it. Women’s right is practiced and uphold. We can only cringe at the thought of how some male dominated culture practices  women circumcision, arrange marriage and other very patriarchal practices that reinforces the belief of women being the second class citizen. So we should be able to appreciate that kind of freedom in our country, where some Middle east and other Muslim and most parts of Africa  that  has not evolved from that mentality and culture. Our basic human rights  and all fundamental things we take for granted everyday. But with Independence comes an exact dose of responsibility. We have a responsibility to our country,  to the community we belong to and ultimately on our own minute existence to the planet. We should be able to give back to show our love for our country by doing little things that may effect some little changes. At the risk of sounding arrogant, may I just mention that  I am in the process of making some things that I may able to show the love for the country.  Just like the majority of the working class – I am paying my taxes regularly – the company I’m working do it for us, either way I’m paying. So I have the bragging rights and the privilege to criticize or grumble whenever I encounter some sucky government services and also to commend those which are exemplary. I have 2 scholars. I am  sending our helpers to school, one is in college and 1 is in high School.  My parents never paid a single tuition fee when we were in college (we were STFAP Scholars in UP – based on income bracket – we were poor but we are rich in love, so to speak) but here I am sending the helper to college taking up a course in fashion paying in full. A true case of giving back indeed.  I am joining all these tree planting efforts, feeding and medical missions whenever I have the time and thru my organization the JCI I am able to support some projects in helping the community…I know some people do so much more however,  this is my way of giving back to my country however small, it is my hope I am making some contribution.

On a personal note June is special because its the wedding anniversary of my parents and the birthday of the first man in my life -my father, Nestor-  which falls on the 28th and 29^th respectively. I am actually in the process of making plans for that week. I already booked us a flight to Manila to spend time with my brothers who are all based there with some line up itinerary for my parents. My father, has been dropping hints by mentioning time and again how he wanted to visit relatives and his friends. Last time he was in Manila he visited his ex boss assigned as the chief PSG in Malacanang. Or he was able to visit his other ex boss who is the chief of PDEA. Or he may be able to play mahjong the whole day with his sis in laws in the confines of her own home.     On this trip however, its going to be a mini reunion of the family. I plan on bringing them to Tagaytay, my mother loves to swim and we probably will stay in one of our uncle’s rest house. I also plan  that we go to Clark and on the works of scheduling a Chopper ride with my brother, who is a Pilot. He is currently a flight instructor for the other captains of the  spankin brand new Choppers, procured by the PAF from Poland a few months back. And  then a meet up with the new apo, (the love child of the other brother) the newest addition to our family little guy named Nathaniel.  We are also getting some tickets for the PBA to watch their favorite team- Ginebra in Manila.     

Let this be my little tribute first to my Tatay,  the June celebrant – he is actually turning 75, old but with the ever young at  heart -  he is our unsung hero. The man who has taught us discipline, humility and perseverance. He is kind hearted and caring, level headed and passionate at the same time. I witnessed how my father disciplined my brothers that somehow mold them into the people they have become. My father has the tendency to be strict and has the military leaning because of his job probably since although he is a civilian he works for most of his life ( up until he retired) for the ISAFP. I remembered he actually imposed spanking, but really the boys have grown normally with no childhood issues or so I believe so I guess it was all tempered in the right purpose and balance. Two of them are military and police officers, having graduated from PMA and the other bro is a chemical Engineering from UP. With conviction I can say that they are upright and have remained true to the ideals of their institution. Luckily for me since I am the only girl, I was somehow spared from the spanking because I would say I am Tatay’s favorite. But I witnessed how he believed in education and the importance of getting it the best, efficiently and economically possible. We were all sent to State universities with scholarships.  He also taught us to be brave and daring peppered with much caution. It is true what they say that no matter how old you become, in the eyes of your parents you  are still  a child. Up until now he is scared to let me drive because he fears that I have such strong pulse. I was not able to go away to pursue careers from far places say after graduation since  my father was too protective . But he has softened thru the years, and he would encourage me to do the things that inspires me. Ironically now, he would tease me, every time I go “ Ingat sila sayo” which shows how confident he has become of me and my decisions. The decision to work back home is entirely my own d and no amount of influence from my parents. I did tried on getting away from my comfort zone by working some time in manila or Cebu but I have to come back to them, a decision I don’t regret doing. I have job offers time and again which will require going away but I just have to take care of my parents time being.   This is the lesson my bestfriend taught me that we need to spend time with them while we can in any way possible so we don’t regret anything if the inevitable happens. An advice I took to heart, seeing her devastated after losing loved ones – a dad and a brother in the same year.  So, I have my job and the comforts of staying home – best of both worlds so to speak. ….

 My father, has worked as an Ofw in Saudi Arabia once, back then. I was in kindergarten, and since I was  unusually close to him, I would cry when people teases me that my father has gone off and I remember the term was “nalunod sa sabaw” I cried a great deal about that, innocent and naïve as I was. But my father stayed there for only a year he has to cancel his contract because he missed his family, the family man that he is. My brother, is younger than I am is also closest to our mother. We both have that jealous fit as to getting attention from both parents. Tatay, as I observed  craves for attention from his children,  expecting he have become especially on  family occasions like Christmases or birthdays or fathers day for that matter.. I guess this comes with age and  how in my quest to be a good daughter, I constantly remind  the sibs to the point of nagging my brothers and sometimes I thought I fail to be a good sister . I still hope the boys wouldn’t mind.

And finally June is special because of  Aida and Nestor for staying married for 44 years. Six years down the road for that most coveted golden anniversary. They are a distinctive duo – yin and yang and yet  complementary. They both love basketballs, my mother especially love watching wrestling, boxing and even the UFC - she is a fight fan. My mother is submissive yet assertive in her own way. She would serve him but also she would not cave in to argument. They would argue over the mundane like scrabble, what channel to watch, tv time, or over issues about the helpers. They are not the lovey dovey type (maybe because they are older) but still they joke each other and  I know how reliant they are of each other – and Im saying in a good way…  My father have the tendency to be easily irate but my mother is such a cool person – hes got his vices, but now perceived as just his past times like mahjong and the occasional dringking with the kumpares.

The good balance that made them survive the years of being married - my mom the prayerful, the animated, and the always involved.  My father having a great sense of humor, but serious when the situation calls for it, the easily annoyed, ( but I have that power to change his mood for some reason)  the disciplinarian but a man of few words. My mother could laugh on top of her lungs and my father could easily do that to her.  I realized, I am now closer to mother in ways different from my bond with my Tatay. I could bring mother to my shopping, lunches, spa, swimming and all that girly things we could share. I can tell her some stories with confidence. Although not the lurid details or the stuff I could openly tell my girlfriends. I don’t know but we haven’t reach that very chummy kind of relationship but she is the person I want to talk to when I need to vent out.. I can talk to Tatay intellectual stuff, opinions on current events, the books we are reading and a lot more. They fight and argue about some mundane stuff and how they recover and be dependent of each other... I sometimes wish that my mother would be  more assertive especially in dealing with Tatays moods in my learned assertive ways,  not the Gabriela –womens- lib way but you know, never backing out from an argument but I guess I just have to give it to her the amazing ways in which she  handled her husband  or their issues which is the reason  that they were able to reach these number of years of being together. And somehow, I believe I gained that balance of levelheadedness, compassion, independence and singularity (or I am just  confused" product - for lack of a better term of a traditional or religious upbringing and a very liberal education-   UP, remember? ) My parents never   had the same views on religion but they have respected each others faith and practices.

They say that the way you handle relationships is also determined by  your relationship with your own father, how he treated you and that you may have the same expectation from your partner...this is probably true although of course we should factor in values, culture and other circumstances.

 So, I don’t have that dreamy eye about “ever afters” anymore or walking down the aisles or marriage in general  but I am not jaded about how ones marriage  could still work out given the amount of hard work and having fun at the same time  because of Nanay and Tatay.

So this is just my little tribute to June and to all the wonderful fathers out there, my 3 sibs included – Manong, Jingle, and Jums. I can’t tell exactly if you guys are good husbands, maybe you are, shall I say  “a work in progress” but I can earnestly say, you are great fathers. I have amazing nephews and a niece and although I give credits to their mothers as well I know you’re doing a wonderful job as Dads… Jing, you still have a little more to prove (and a little more to learn, Nathan is what, 3 mos old?) but I have such great faith in you!