Charity is not my helpers name ( pun intended) nor I am referring to the term used by our gay friends, tongue in cheek (charing or charito). I am just thinking about being generous, giving and helpful or altruistic even. I would like to believe that generally, although most of us have our own selfish tendencies, me included, we are a giving people. I just would like to give credits to my parents for setting good example, my father for being very kind hearted and my mother for being thoughtful and prudent. These traits had in a way influenced us into the people that we are now, me and my sibs most especially our Manong (the eldest brother) who was always a generous and giving brother not only to us his family but to also to everyone needing his help. I wished he would be blessed with material success and get really rich because I know he would readily share. But I doubt this considering how honest and decent he is especially when dealing with his job ( he is a police officer who graduated from PMA) Unlike some corrupt offiicials who amassed large sums of money and property because of their power and authority my brother still don’t own a car of his own, the family car is used by the wife to drive the kids to school primarily. He has to make sure his kids get scholarships in order for them to get the best education ( I’m not saying all, I know there are still a lot of officers in our country who has pledge to take their cause no matter how meager the income is and no matter how tempting the lure of money and power is.
We learn giving in childhood. I think our visceral baser instinct is being selfish, the id of our personality stage but our adult role models would teach us or even cajole us to share with others - from the food we eat, the toys we play - we need to share with other children at home among our siblings and eventually with the peers outside of our homes. But the kind of giving I am referring to is giving back and being thankful for our own blessings. Charity which begins at home is the mantra I always live by. Our family being a very extended one I am very much attached to the relatives and every chance I have to give I would rationalize that I have more relatives needing help more than other people I have no blood relation whatsoever with.
For more than a year now this January, I am practically going to and forth the city proper area because this is where my day job is based. My office is actually based in a mall but I can’t help passing the streets of the city area going to the office or go around the place looking for new lunch venue or my favorite past time, shopping for bargains, or most of the time cloth and materials for my fashion venture. As I go around the place, I can’t help but see all these beggars, most frequently situated in the same area (maybe these beggars have some kind of unwritten agreement among themselves about their territories) and most often I would give alms. Usually coins but if I am feeling quite generous or "big time" I give 20 or 50 bucks. I am all the more motivated when I see babies carried by their equally "muchas grasas" looking mothers or sometimes even siblings who are kids themselves,( I don’t know but I have softer spot for children). I would also give to old people(lolo and lolas) sometimes incapacitated and who would never fail to make my heart go squashy and be filled with pity. I would however favor to give food than money but not all the time that I am able to carry some food item readily. I actually have ambivalent feelings over giving money especially when you see people begging who are very much capable (but thats another story) and I feel like I am one of the reason why parasitism is very much tolerated in a society as they say. Sometimes, admittedly, we give out of guilt because somehow we know we have a better life and not sharing makes us selfish. And I think this is the ugly, less glam side of charity which is giving out of guilt, giving to get something in return or simply because this will help improve ones popularity quotient. All these charity events most rich people would attend to because it is for the benefit of bantay bata or bantay kalikasan, to name a few and many other well meaning movements. People who went with their coif hair designer clothes and purses small enough to store just their checkbook and lipgloss not exactly for the purpose of sharing but be seen and be known to be “sharing”.
Giving without expecting something in return is a noble act . In psychology its called altruism, I remember my Social Psych lesson in college to really define altruism. And of course I would end up using google or contend with wikipedia which defines altruism as a selfless concern for the welfare of others. But really is there such a thing as a pure altruism?
For my part, I have been helping someone in my modest way ( ok a guy from work and a good friend get into a new job title, and a job promotion?) I mean i don’t really want to take credit that he got the job but well, I was the one who prodded him into applying and making follow ups and when he got the job he was thankful but I felt like he did not thank me enough and I actually verbalize this to him) Explanations later it was settled. He said that even when he didn’t say it he was gratified and he has just some issues on his own totally unrelated to my sentiments at that time, I was generally happy for him. I am actually teased endlessly by some of my close friends in the office because of this and of how much I give preferential attention to the guy. Clearly, I did give more attention but I just thought he needed it more. I was just hoping he showed some little appreciation to what little effort I made to make it possible for him to be where he is right now.... Was I being altruistic, or is it because I want to feel good about my self for being helpful? Because I witness how so unhappy he is with the current job and I know moving is the only solution. Plus I’ve seen his potential but not being able to really realize it in the optimal way in the current job. I listened to him gripe and air his angst about anything and everything life in general. And my way of help have somehow been constructive ( I hope).
The other night, when we were closing the office me and two of my officemates were talking about the same topic. Jeff, told his story about how he was able to help two old couple he was with in a clinic while having his check up. He was able to share his discount privilege with the couple who he thought needed it more than he does. I jokingly told him that his crown in heaven has got one star for every single good deed and i think he’s got one star now. I know most of us has our own share of giving moments and we just don’t realize how much we have touch someone in our own little way either at work at home and any other random places and people me meet.
My friend whose based in California and I have been talking about ways in which we could contribute in alleviating lives of some unschooled children in Iloilo. He is trying to find sponsors and contributors to this project in which we will find some scholars to send to grade school and these kids will actually send their thank you s to the sponsors. Thru video or letters so the sponsors would actually know that the project is implemented. Hopefully this year, this plan would be materialize. We have this project of positivism like there is still hope and that we would be an instrument in our own little way.
I am blessed with really generous friends, who can give me nice stuffs, free vacations even and what can I give them in return is my time and my support and listening ear. I mean we give what we have in excess and right now my pride is the only something I can think of and I hope not exactly in excess. So we give something not because it is in excess but something from the goodness of our hearts. We should be out there giving our time, if not our money, and our efforts.
Lately i have been shopping for new stuff, like bags, shoes and dresses because I Have half emptied my closet and sold some stuff for really cheap rummage sale just outside of our homes. The proceeds of that first day of my rummage sale went to the offering for the church my family attends. WE are in the process of building a new church and even if not much I have contributed. This church doesn’t require payment for services during weddings, child dedications, or funeral services and my mother would point this out to my father that when any of our relatives went ahead the service is always held in our church and we were not required to pay anything and so it is only fitting that we contribute to the building or renovation of this church.
Volunteerism, social entrepreneurship, meme on the internet these are the cool movements . To have real compassion we give without expecting anything in return and when we are the receiver we receive and don’t abuse the giver.. -Unless they are true friends because the premise to friendship is - friends are there to be used and be tolerated. I mean not a very socially accepted and politically correct definition of friendship but a true one - let me just stress my point - because really we give something to our friends like our time, our thoughts and advices our listening ear our money ( ok not always our money) they keep our dirty little secret and we keep theirs.(because really, again - if they’re our friends we have witnessed their grossness i mean we have seen them at their worst but we have come to love and accept them because well that is friendship.. and stuff because we know we could expect the same from them. I mean it is always a give and take equation. If we are the giver, we should tolerate the beggar simply because they’re our friends and when time comes, that we need them , we know we can always count on them because we know we are tolerated as well...
This year, I will try to give time to my org and be supportive of the noble causes, we are spearheading or supporting. Let’s not give blindly but rather give to those who need it most.... Funny, i just got a text from my former boss that the father of our guard passed away, pity on him and of course we need to contribute something.. In these cases we should be thankful that we are the giver and not the one needing help. Learn to give more no returns expected... just the happy warm feeling inside and the most precious, the stars in my crown?.....
- give back and be happy about it.
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