Missing you, Angeli

 I've a few invites from this party, concert and dinner and I always thought of you....I don't go out for lunch  very often anymore because you've been my lunch partner and gala after... (I know we deserve that scolding from ms mich do always over breaking lol!)  and then I found this note I read to you in your send away dinner...

In you I found another little sister. A sister I would bring as a plus one to my parties and as a chaperone to my lousy dates. A sister I would tease and would sometimes bully but always in a loving way. A travel and eating partner and someone who I would share very intimate details and someone I could trust with my stories. As you move on and venture into the world, may you reach your goals, find new friends who will inspire you to reach your potentials but hoping you will never forget us. As you leave your old life , your family, your lovers and friends . May you find yourself...and you will be a million times richer if not for money but with experiences, new places ,culture and a new eyes of seeing the world.  Hopefully I would have the capacity to travel with you in the coming months or years. Safe travel my dear Angeli . I've always believed in your beauty, talent strength of character and I know you just need a little push. Good luck! I will visit you in Dubai that's a promise 

Validation

This doesn't come everyday but little validation like this one is  a motivation to serve Like I always say no two days are alike when you are at customer service you get to encounter different people, sometimes you get to serve some  thankless individuals who's role in life is to annoy and be obnoxious. There are those  who can turn any ordinary day special - with their kind  words,  encouragement and appreciation, or even just their smile. 

Ive met some really special people who has become my personal friends. In globe I have the opportunity to work in Cebu for about a year And a half . There I met my an office mate who would become my housemate and ultimately my best friend, Tweety and my other guy best friend, Mark whose mom is my subscriber. ( our story needs another entry) 

My peeve would be those who's using very outdated mobiles and expect to use camera 360 or expect you to create for them email accounts, viber, Facebook, Skype and whatnot. But we just have to wing it all and consider it all in a day's work. Of course there are days when  I feel like it's a dead end job like I am not utilizing my full potential. And then you have moments shared with your workmates which inspires you,  the bond you have with them, also the  customers  who appreciates you with their simple words, some would give food and stuff, some even bold enough to invite you out for snacks or dinner. These are little reminders what you have been working for - service. 

The (hand painted) bag backstory

 So I got all this old bags I wanted to discard or to sell with my rummage sale but an inspiration hit me. We have been doing the hand painting stuff however, I've already discarded all my paints and stuff since my cousin JP has gone to Dubai for work. I've seen painted bags by the celebrities heart Evangelista and even Kim Kardashian. 

Jp was my business partner when we were doing the fashion biz we tried to put up where we had a fashion show called Citta Bambina. It was a showcase of hand painted clothes we created. He was actually the designer and painter as well of these clothes and I was merely the styling consultant. Another partner would be our other cousin, Arlene who took up a a fashion course in SOFA in Manila. 

Jp being artistic is such a special individual and I say this lovingly - I mean he is very moody and full of attitude but fiercely loyal and opinionated. We grew up together I was older of course so I was a big sister to him. Even as a child  he showed that talented side of him and a leaning for fashion and clothes. He was playing with Cloths my mothers would use for sewing and sashay it like walking on a runway.  At a young age He would draw outrageous designs of women clothes inspired by fiestas and sagala of  our town and even take keen interest on religious images parades during Holy Week taking notes on the gown worn by these images. I remember losing my Barbie dolls only to find out he was the one who took them. And since I am older I just tried to understand his interests and not fight with him.  When I became a teenager and some boys would court me in the house he was very protective of me. He would always hover in the background and be with me. He would even Give  dagger look to those boys who was just trying to steal glances with me. I just find it funny remembering those days. 

Fast  forward  we are still thick as thieves up until the time he went to Dubai for work. He was there as an OFW. I helped him get loans in order for him to pay for his agency and stuff. When he get there he was upset because it wasn't the job he expected or at least what's in his contract. He would call us me and some of our other relatives to tell us to help him come back or go to the agency. I advised him to just stick around and be patient about the job since he is new in that place and that things will get better once he adjusted. He took this negatively for some reason. He didn't call me and even blocked me from he's social media account. I just tried to understand him that he's just probably upset about it. I have so much faith in him, I know how talented he is. I even told him that a lot of  Filipino  designers who are famous started in Dubai. The likes of Michael Cinco, Ezra santos,  Furne One established their careers in the Middle East country. I think with his talent and his love for fashion and with the right attitude he might one day become famous. But he shrugged all my advises and took it out against me. So all the time he was there we never spoken. I would sometimes ask his mom my aunt how he is. And I was glad that he is quite adjusted to his life there. And then a few weeks ago, I learned that he's back in town. He never go out much of the house ( we are neighbors) so we didn't get to see each other. Until one day, a week back I decided to just go and see him. With my aunts and brushes in hand I went to his house and looked for him. He went down and see me when his momCalled him out. It wasn't that awkward we just hugged and told him I needed him to paint my old bags. And just like that, he told me stories about his life there, his working attitude that never changed. His anecdotes about how many times he's been transferred assignment due to his disagreement either with a customer or with his bosses. I wanted to lecture him and remind him about changing his style with dealing with customers especially he is in another country but then I know better. So I just laughed Listened and and sometimes agree and comment to his stories. I guess I may not see it but his changes are known only to himself. When we travel we find a part of ourselves even if we leave behind a lot. He has that assertiveness that is inherent in him but he is also more appreciative of his mom. He is always comparing our culture to that of his host country but he is also more accepting of them and their culture. He said he's going back a month from now and I could see a more independent and fierce person in him. With that I am thankful. 

I am so happy to see the almost finished hand painted bag by JP my cousin...

Certainties and choices

They say the only thing certain in life is death and taxes, due dates and change.  We know this to be true and actually experience them and really know we're adults  .  This month I've seen a few deaths of some people close to me -namely  friends and relatives. Curiously two of which are the husbands of my first cousins whom I know personally. Two decent human beings who have been husbands to my closest cousins and father to my nieces. There's also death among the friends of my parents due to sickness and old age. These deaths made me evaluate my priorities and the importance of spending quality time with my oldies. I may have some disagreements with them from time to time but at the end of the day you will have no one to turn to except family. Another family aside from the biological ones are the ones we chose like our closest friends.  Of course these people are not technically obligated to us and yet show us some degree of concern and care. I think this is the ultimate show of love.  Having said that, I am grateful to my closest girlfriends who are constant in my life. 

At some point relationships  disintegrates and that's a fact of life as well. We can only always hope for the best.  And enjoy each moment we are given. 

So it's been a while since I dated someone it's like I'm having man diet. Juju cleanse of some sort . It's so funny when I posted something in my Twitter  about needing my Juju cleanse and juju cleanse the  diet and healthy food company replied to me to contact them. 

I've always dated good looking men maybe to feed my ego. It is as if I'm with this hottie it would make me desirable by osmosis. So I decided that maybe I'll try to meet people who is outside my pre conceived criteria. There's this guy who's doing an environmental campaign and traveling around the country without money but who's doing an amazing job of campaigning for proper waste disposal and the like. He's good looking but he is not tall and he's kind of crazy but  crazy in a good way. We all have that bonkers side of us and I guess that's what makes us special individuals.  I've met him and offered to pay for his overnight stay in my city to do his projects and meet some people. We became good friends and still talk from time to time. I mean he's not my type but i like what he's doing for the community - he's got my  admiration and respect . So maybe there are people whom you like but you like them as friends. I was heartbroken about the last guy who ghosted and I got this message from someone who read the blog and he said that,  we all like to think that we are the only partners with the person we are currently with but that's never true. True enough, we will meet new people and they will give us new meanings and perspective but a part of that someone in the past stays with us. We just have to take all the good with the bad. I was really feeling self conscious about the last blog entry because I wasn't thinking that people actually read my entries until one guy commented about it. I said sometimes I write for myself without filter as a form of catharsis. I will second guess myself after some time and then throw caution to the wind and say who the fuck cares! It's my story and you can judged me all you want. At the end of the day I'm answerable to myself. So this same person said that he also has some cathartic write up but its unpublished. Maybe I should also do that but on second thought that was the only write up that I felt that I should hide.  On second thought I will probably just write a new entry so that's not the first thing people read. It's as if saying that in order to beat some bad press is to make some good press. So I made some bad decisions that taught me a thing or two and now I'm also willing to explore my options and choices. It's like saying that I will not only swipe right those whose good on paper but I will try to be more open minded. I'm trying to make friends with some people I've met in the past and or maybe  consider being with an older man who's cultured or meet someone  tech dorky  or a geek.  It's like my fashion taste - eclectic but trendy or palate for food -  it can be an acquired taste as they say...

reblog

http://nievafashionista.blogspot.com/2014/10/wanting-to-be-multi-slashe.html

you think u know but u have no idea

you think u know but u have no idea

http://nievafashionista.blogspot.com/2014/12/because-fashion-doesn-have-to-expensive.html

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigZ771XR1J2avyxGXJI4uRpXLY_L3Gt2bIxSoI5JtrLtB5Mj8gsAbMnmVnyztFbAuPTJEjTUJVLseBkSuHc3ng6iKrbVvziVCiLTS3dLdFpgOtGoNZVjRoqCpv1LK0alS5XSd82rVE9Fg/s640/blogger-image-2126700594.jpg

The Women Who Matters - Us

As we celebrate women's month it is my assessment on how lucky we are to be living in a free country and appreciate the freedom we have as women of today. We have a lot to be thankful to all the women (and the men) who have worked hard to have the kind of gender equality we are experiencing today. There are still a lot of areas in which struggles are real and are still a work in progress in terms of equality - in the workplace, politics, religion, social media (free the nipple anyone?) some patriarchal practices and cultures and a whole other aspects. However, I would like to believe that we have indeed come a long way. My original major was Sociology and I shifted to Psychology because maybe I thought is was way cooler and that it was more popular. However, a lot of my learning was from my Sociology classes . I remember my term paper in one of my Sociology course in college was the Controversial "Women's Liberation Movement". My report was more on the history.Yes, Betty Friedan was mentioned and all these other fore bearers were in that report. I remember, I was very self conscious when I presented because one of my audience that time was a professor who was a very active feminist and a staunch supporter of the movement. She was an active member and an officer of the Gabriela -a feminist organization in the country. I was glad I was able to answer all her questions and presented as objectively as possible. It was a time when I was at a very impressionable stage when I was still deciding about feminism, how much of it is an opposite to chivalry or how much equality are we expecting. Looking back, I am glad that in UP you are exposed to a lot of talks and training on gender sensitivity, feminism, assertiveness and the like. It has helped me become the independent and self sufficient person I am today. Yes , there are times when I still feel like I'm just winging it and maybe all of us has that moment so like I said before there's a part of me that's a confused product of my liberal education and a religious upbringing. Linkhttp://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_feminism Yes on a larger scale, there is still a lot of cases and traditions that cause some abuses to women. Phenomenon such as arrange marriage / forced marriage in many countries, child brides, sexual slavery especially now in Isis occupied territory such as in Iraq and other borders, girls are not allowed to go to school and give priority to boys in some countries. There is a book which talk about a Saudi princess - aptly titled - Princess - it is based on a true story written by Jean Sasson that best describe some of the practices of middle eastern countries -their treatment of women and girls. Even royalties are subjected to practices which shouts inequality. She maybe a western writer and some argues that there might be some bias in the way she would write because as they say it's a culture thing and it comes with the territory. However, the story was based on account of the said Princess who wanted her story known and in that way to give light to their situation and made their plight known to the world. I'm sure this book has long been banned in their country and also to protect her identity and her family's her name was of course withheld, ultimately preventing being ostracized, or worse being killed in the name of honor. This month as we celebrate, let us be aware of the plights of women across the globe. Let us support organizations that promotes equality in whatever way like Amnesty international, locally there are organizations and foundations such as Gabriela. Word Vision – women, and the likes. (http://www.spot.ph/gallery/1030/10-women-rsquo-s-rights-advocates/article/47914#photo-1-1)Let us appreciate all the women we know especially those who are in our midst - our moms, grandma, sisters, and friends. Women we meet everyday, who inspires us to be better, our bosses, our co workers our org mates (in my case a shout out to my Jci Iloilo Ilang Ilang org, an all female organization who have worthy projects through the years have great impacts to the women and the community in general) our neighbors. To all the women, we know as well as those we don't may we find opportunities and joy while doing them, I wish you courage to deal with change, I wish you beauty and that for all the role we take as wives and mothers, sister or any chosen career we have taken I hope that we are able to take precious naps and maintain our well being and happiness! May we find some role models - women we should admire and emulate. They may be in government service, politics, even entertainment. Personally, my women idols would be designer Tory Burch, Senator Miriam Santiago, Amal Clooney, Queen Rania of Jordan, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, ( not entirely for her music or her ability to write based on her love affairs and lack thereof but her civic mindedness, her support to charity and foundations) https://www.looktothestars.org/celebrity/taylor-swift#related-news, Emma Watson and Melinda Gates. Women who are not defined by stereotypes and from time to time defies it and also uses their power, influence and fame to good use and their celebrity status to benefit the greater good. May we find more women like them or be be like them in our lifetime and hopefully transform the world into a better place.

Mid year crisis.... ( just a pun)

Its March, and I havent been travelling which is my goal this year. I have been planning a lot of places to go to but then  the rest of the circumstances just did not get the memo. I guess i just have to wait it out and believe that something great is going to come out of this. I still have a lot of other plans like doing my civic duty,  heping a community, take care of my business and other personal accomplishment goals and to be positive about it.  It is just the first quarter of the year and the fact that I am writing about it is still a good sign.

Its time to cut our losses This has been the thought thats bugging me today. 

If kris aquino can write about her unrequitted love, why cant we. ( well, for one shes Kris Aquino) maybe TMI  that she is, she also needs her closure. And when blogging about it somehow eased her pain it could probably give us a new perspective -  I mean just me. I realize that when I wanted to write about that guy - I don't even know how to call him- it wasn't a relationship, he wasn't even  a fling or we dated, it was probably more that we hung out if there would be a label. He sort  of the guy I talked to and spent some time with. We talked a lot and then we stop talking. And you know what they say about the "almost lover" situation  someone is always left hanging. And then belatedly, I learned that he slept with a  common friend, the one who introduced us.  I always suspect that there was something but then he denied it not that I have the right asking but I still asked in passing. But this informatin now is no longer relevant to me. I just moved on and it was just a relief. I could regret all the time and effort I invested in that label less whatever and my lack of foresight. I still need to delete photos of him in my phone though Im probaly just waiting for someone new to be able to replace that space there. 

On a tangent, we have this annual evaluation with the company I am  working and we are rated based on our sales performance and other matrix. Meanwhile there is also a part where you need to write about your own behavioral assesment - for example  for your customer service experiences where you able to recieve commendations from your subscribers, or how you execute a certain project, or you inhibit strong leadership skills or a team player. I was the first to submit because I was off duty the day the deadline of the evaluation must be submitted so my worlmate called  me how it was done. I told her just write as if you are writing a college paper, and you just have to write it based in experience and what you believed  are your strengths as a person and as an employee for the past year. There was a guideline and I just followd those and write from the best of my knowledge my personal accomplishment as a customer service rep for the past year. However, when I thought about it, i realized that there are still some things I forgot to mention about my strenghts because maybe for being subconsciously not wanting to sound self promoting. For instance, I thought about my willingness to take on any role assigned to me, my open mindedness to change. My civic mindedness, volunteerism, my ability to resolve conflicts, my assertiveness and my cool headed way of handling irate customers.  Plus I just try to be healthy so as not to get sick and inconvenience my co workers due to scheduling constraints. However,  i do file vacation leave each month to travel because that is my respite.  As I was writing that note, I tried to remeber the cliche words, that i need not put there  - like when writing a resume ie, traits like responsible, hardworking etc., We do feel like we need to downplay our accomplishments and strengthsas not to sound concieted or cocky but sometimes, its also feel good to be validated and know confidently what you are good at. 

I am now playing secretary to my brothers who are nominated for the 75 outstanding citizens of our town. Since they are all out I have to coordinate with them, email and send them the docs needed to be filled out and sent back. Can you imagine, all three of them are nominated but none of them are a bit interested. But we dont want to disappoint friends who nominated so  i tried to convince them to at least fill out the forms and send back. My eldest brother is a police officer,  graduated from PMA, he is  and a good man, very proper and never corrupt. My second brother, is a genius who spent most of his time in college, graduated from a top university,  (UPDiliman) top 11 of his Chem Engineering board exam, but he's not working as an engineer. I just always thought that he never utilized his full potential. But thats his life and hes my brother, i still love him anyway. And then my youngest brother, is a pilot. I just learned that his exact title is a serch and rescue pilot for the Phil Air Force. He sent back the dox thru email because i bugged him everyday. So maybe, they have accomplished something in life but there is more to it. They should make a difference in the lives of others and the community that they are serving and I am confident they are able to qualify for this requirement. 

Summer is here, I am excited because i already have vacations lined up - meet up with my aussie friends in April, the holy week, hopefully we could push through with the Sakura festival in Japan, first week of April and then labor day  weekend in Boracay. 

How was your first quarter of 2015 so far?  Hope you have an exciting one and not the so so like mine... But well change is coming! Xoxo

2014 holy week with my squad

Labor day weekened party - Steve Aoki 

 The 2015 town awards

 Isla higantes in 2014 with the gang

 Travel plans - sakura festival 2015

2015 to do list

I was scrolling my to do list and reminders earlier today just to know how I fare with my mundane tasks as well as my big goals. How many of those task have to be crashed out of the list and how many of them has been procrastinated. The driving lesson that needs to be retaken, the travel visa application, the facials I need to have, stuff I need to buy, the message I need to reply to or the things That needs to let go of. 
There is even a reminder I need to crash out with a tear in my eyes . I stumbled on the note to send a food supplement for my ailing cousin which is too late because she's gone for good. She died of kidney failure last December 26, 2014 six months from the time she was diagnosed of the disease last year . I was the one who read her eulogy last January 2 on her interment this year. 
A death of a love one no matter how painful just brought families together and it becomes a reunion of some sort. I remember same thing from all those years how in my superstition I am not supposed to visit any wake as according to Chinese astrology it will bring bad luck  to my sign and then some aligning of the stars they would say happen -the dad of my childhood bestfriend passed away as well as the mother of our friend who recently hosted as in our visit to Indonesia where her husband work as a chef for shangrila, both died in the same year. I have no choice but to offer sympathy and have to be at the wakes. It's a time where presence are necessary to show our love and support for the bereaved. 
On a lighter note, last  year I was able to travel extensively albeit local. I was able to attend a music festival, an international one at that (7107 music festival) an Aoki  and Cedric Gervais concert in Boracay , my yearly tradition of spending Holy Week in Boracay including the Labor Day weekend. No international travel however and it is supposed to be a yearly tradition with the bestie. The music festival and the destination wedding in Bantayan Island we attended last year very much make up for it.
For this year,  on a nutshell - I will make an effort to find a life partner, travel more, pay my dues, give more, love and volunteer my time and effort, pray more and change for the better. May the stars align and the universe heed